Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
