god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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