I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
