I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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