over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
