I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize