Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
