I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize