i just sent this text using only my big toe
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
