On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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