i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
