I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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