rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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