im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
