I could make wine with my vomit
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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