Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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