You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
