She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
