No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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