stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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