dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
