She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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