ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
