trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My feet surprised me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
