You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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