She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
