I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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