chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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