Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize
