he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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