i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
