Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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