After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
