dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
