Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
