And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
