Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
