I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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