I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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