Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I deserve this hangover.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
