i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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