FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
