I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize