Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
