I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
