Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
