Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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