I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize