There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize