I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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