Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So vagazzling was a success
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
