I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They took my balls.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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