I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
