i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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