I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
