Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
