i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize