Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
