I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
