she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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