If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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